Return to Source
As I just have returned to the land of Ibiza am I closing a big loop that has begun 4 months ago.
Since I went through a big transfiguration within those last months and many people who know what has occurred on the human level have been asking how I am feeling I felt it is time to share my story of the return to Source.
It came through very strongly to do so, since the intention of the sharing of my story is to inspire every being that read this to know that Unity Consciousness is here, available and accessible for anyone who truly chooses so.
The deep dive begun for me when I entered the Sat Yoga Ashram in Costa Rica. I had already let go of my life in ibiza, the soul family, most of my belongings, my house and my partner who I had a strong connection with as a Twin Flame.
This was probably the biggest initiation for me to let go as many of us who are in conscious relationships can imagine.
As I was slowly getting used to us being apart after only 2 months I found out that he was already with another woman, who was my friend and who he felt was his true twin flame and therefore had cut all the ties to our relationship.
This message totally broke my heart. Not only was I devastated by losing my twin flame and best friend but as well was I so shocked and confused about the way that all of that has happened. How could someone who claimed to be at such a high frequency of consciousness just switch so fast from one woman to another and with that create suffering and confusion for not only myself but many followers?
It brought up so much disappointment in me regarding him as a spiritual Teacher but as well many unresolved issues of rejection, abandonment, denial, and betrayal of my childhood that I did truly not know where still there.
I realized the attachment that I was carrying to this other being and how much suffering attachment itself creates.
Gratefully was I in the hands of a true liberated Teacher in the Sat Yoga Ashram within a very high frequency where I felt so save to fully let go and allowed myself to go deep into all those fears and anxieties.
As I went deeper within myself did I pierced through the first veil of illusion that I had created for myself. It was the Idea of a romantic relationship with „the one“, the Idea of the ultimate Twin Flame connection and that merging on that level with a human vessel.
That seeking for the one being to come into wholeness.
I saw how this idea was a deep condition within the collective consciousness and within myself in order to not reach for a vertical connection to source consciousness but to a horizontal connection with one being on that I would project all my love to and as well expect to be loved and to be the special one.
The problem with that is, that once the significant other does not act in the way we expect, for example by being with another woman, the love turns into sadness, rejection, anger etc.
This does not only count for partnerships but for any relationship and attachment that we create for ourselves like to our pets, to our children, to our parents, to our friends, to our house and external stability, to money, to our beliefs… but what if one of those things suddenly is not there anymore? what if the pet dies or the house burns away or the partner leaves one for another or the children decide to leave their parents? It ultimately creates suffering.
The conclusion and deep realization were that all things within the phenomenal plane are temporary and even worst, the attachment or desire of those things creates suffering.
And many times we do not even know our attachment to something until it is gone or changes because to be in radical honesty with ourselves about that would be too painful.
This is why the great Yogis always teach, the pathway to true liberation is to totally release all attachments and desires within the phenomenal plane. Which means to only live for God. This is not the Path for everyone because it requires going the whole way.
And this is what I actually had chosen when I chose renunciation and left my life behind. I just did not know that it would come with such intensity.
When this veil removed I saw it so clearly in front of my eyes that I could not deny it anymore. Within that came a deep emptiness and void. There was nothing that I could fill this Void with since I just knew too good about the further illusion and temporary enjoyment that it would create. So I just stayed in the Void.
Everything dissolved into it. I knew and trusted so much that there was Gods love, there was the Truth of Unity which goes beyond the phenomenal plane, somewhere out there, but I did not know how to get there. How to reach it. And I did know that it is impossible to reach it by doing or by desire. That was the paradox.
So I just had to surrender. I had to surrender to the empty aloneness of the Self.
And with that came all the feelings up that I had not dealt with in my life. All the karmic knots and bonds. To resist them was so intense that I just had to surrender to them, too.
As I surrendered to all the feelings I started to allow them to be. I felt that I slowly became the witness of them. As the fear of being in the Void and aloneness was slowly dissolving was there no fear anymore to be with those intense feelings. I allowed them to move through me and the more I did this, the more I could just see them as what they where. Feelings, emotions, thoughts, without a story. Truly frequency and conditions.
I accepted them and with that did I accepted myself with all that is in that moment. And I kept praying with tears in my eyes and faith in God. Giving and surrendering all to that.
Then – a miracle occurred. I was in the most intense space within myself of suffering and pain. Suddenly there was a light. I could feel a light in my heart. Suddenly as I kept praying for love I felt it. Love. True Love. I started to breathe very deeply.
As I inhaled I could feel golden light sparkles coming into my body. As I exhaled I felt all the density leaving my body. I was focusing on my heart and on breathing all the light into my heart.
Slowly did all the fear and anxiety just transformed into my vessel! It was the most powerful psychedelic experience I ever had.
The more I kept focusing on it the more all the stagnation of my energy body started to pop open and light kept pouring into my vessel. It was miraculous.
I thought about my previous partner and his new beloved and actually, all I felt was just love. And within that perfection. And gratitude for all. I realized that it was all just the divine.
Playing with itself and pushing me so deeply until I would finally realize what true love really means. It means to love all and everything as it is and as it comes. Without condition. Without expectation. But just by allowing all.
That is to be in oneness with all. To see everything, being, situation as an aspect of the self, from the purest space of innocence. without opinion or belief. As a blessing from the divine.
It was confusing my mind since it had been only around a month since all had happened but there it was. It was my heart intelligence speaking. Guiding. Gods divine light.
So pure, gentle, gracious. Christed. simple.
So powerful that I just allowed that to be instead of the story of the mind. That I surrendered my total self and any idea of who I am to that story.
And now am I. With that. In my heart. And will always be in devotion and surrender to That because of all that God has given me. Because of the most magical and beautiful gifts and experiences that are occurring in my life. So much trust, surrender, and abundance.
And truly am I at the beginning of all. I do not have much left in the material plane, financially…no home and not really knowing what will happen next. but it all does actually not matter. Nothing matters. Because here I am. One with the Unified Field. And whenever I might cease to believe or forget I just close my eyes and breathe. I just meditate and there it is. The true beloved. The beloved that can give more than any human relationship or any activity within the phenomenal plane can give.
The Beloved that I choose to die for any moment. That I would give all I have every time again.
I feel the first time in my life can I be my true authentic self. As the Self within Silence. And sometimes a story comes up. Or people have expectations of me to be in a certain way since they know what has happened and expect me to be suffering from the loss. Or expect me to be a character within a story. But hey, that’s okey. I don’t blame them. I just accept and love.
And the more I dissolve into that presence and silence, the more all stories dissolve. The more does this Vessel become the purest reflection of the Atma, the supreme light within each sentient life.
It is a big Mission and a big Journey. But my Soul has chosen this and I am walking the whole way. As an Instrument of Gods Miracle.
I know now why some masters say that this path is not for everyone.
Because the price to give is everything, that we think that matters. To then gain everything that truly matters. Which is only God.
Namaste to all Hearts <3
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